Next Land Over

....carried to the "other" land but never brought back. What the fuck am I supposed to do here?! I don't know anybody and everyone keeps staring at me and whispering. Do I have to live here forever? Do I go back home or attempt to discover somewhere new? Is there any means of transportation for me to get somewhere new? Does home even exist anymore? Is this home? It doesn't feel like home. It appears as though I'm sitting right outside of home but every time i began walking up the driveway it seems to extend and I end up standing in the same place I was when I started... the sidewalk. This dingy ass sidewalk with it's earthquake infected cracks, old pieces of dirty gum, and interrupted smooth surfaces. Couldn't play hopscotch on this sidewalk...you're bound to trip, stumble.... fall. Then you get laughed at cause your pain is used as amusement. But don't be embarassed because she fell yesterday. And gone is yesterday like tomorrow, today will be... yesterday. And I don't feel love for anybody. And yes it sucks when you're sad, but if I didn't get the promotion, what good does your smile do me? Yea you got a new car, but what about me? It's possible I'm bitter or maybe filled with envy, but understand that it's hard to celebrate someone else's accomplishments when It's almost impossible to be happy for me..at this moment at least. Yes we create our own circumstances but what if my circumstances came looking for me? And then I proceed to tell myself how I'm full with excuses because in case you didn't know... the critique you offer doesn't match up to my own. I'm harder on myself than cement to a stone. And although you say you understand, my feelings feel alone. My mind moves in rhythm which is why I always end up rhyming. And when you ask me to explain myself it's difficult because a little off was your timing. Plus I must sound silly. When I constantly receive the responses .."uhhh..." ... or some long rebuttle that has nothing to do with anything I said... the rest of my thoughts get locked behind some gate because they realize that no one will EVER understand them. Trying to convince myself that i'm insane because they say crazy people don't know they're crazy. So keep telling me i'm "weird" or "different" if you want to be nice about it. When I reject the idea it's just apart of my plan. I know that you don't get me... I didn't expect you to. And by reacting to my actions you're only adding to my insanity... that i've created of course. Remember?

-SydniMichael