Even I

I'm struggling to express. If you know me you know I've never been good with verbal expression, which is why I write. Lately, even in my writing, it's not coming out right. Nothing I write is even close to what I'm really feeling. As if there's a lack of understanding.... like I don't understand the emotion myself. I haven't been shooting as often as I'd like to... and when i do... it's always for someone else. I don't remember the last time I painted. I'm thinking this may just be a build up, and sooner or later the emotion is going to explode in some drastic art form. At least I pray it's in some art form. Maybe I should place an easel some paint and a paint brush in all the places I exist frequently.... or my camera... possibly a pen.... a voice recorder even. Or maybe it'll be one of those explosions not meant to be captured. There's a lot going on I refuse to recognize. I don't know how beneficial this is to my growth but I'm beginning to feel numb. Kind of like the sound of the television on mute....... maybe that doesn't make sense.

I feel like it makes sense.

But then again... I don't know what I feel.

-SydniMichael