So Necessary

It's starting to feel like crunch time. I still have 9 months til the countdown is by the day but boy am I feeling the pressure. I'm not going to talk about the new year and how amazing it's going to be for me because most of it is going to involve a lot of penny pinching. A lot of old clothes, because new ones can't be bought. A lot of home cooked meals because majority of the money I spend is on happy hour, pigging out on quesadillas, margaritas and well drinks smh. Still looking for that second job so play time will definitely be at an all time low. Last night my uncle told me life is about planning. A big part of me wants to be that free spirit and say "nah... live it by the moment." But the dreamer and "realist" in me says "I pray to God I stick to this fucking plan or someone can find me hanging in a closet." Too extreme? Well of course it is but when have you known me to be anything less? .... oh.. ok. I pray we do everything we talk about. I can't see my life with anyone else and I know this isn't healthy but half of me wanting to better myself and my situation is for him. Sure I want great things for myself but something about his soul calls out to me because it knows I tend to be a little hopeless at times. I won't make this post about him. That's not my intention. It's more so about me.... US even. He'll always be included because he makes me whole. Ok... the corny is seeping out of my fingertips.... ugh. So yes, pray for me, hope for me, wish for me, speak good things into the universe for....US. You get it. I need this you know? I need for this to work. These plans, this music, New York, my relationship, my happiness. I NEED IT. And now I'm going to leave because the caps are finding themselves and I was just attempting to update...not... vent. That's for later. I'll end up late for work fucking around on here.

-Sydni