Right back here

When you're this lonely, company is of no assistance. 
Have you ever drowned in shallow waters?
You can't imagine the fright. 
Standing on solid ground while the surrounding waters still find a way to swallow you whole. 

I'm not drunk enough. 

At this point everyone is an option. 
The ones who want me, well I can't stand them and the ones I want I'm just not good enough for. 
It's difficult being alone. 
My thoughts are like leeches... sucking the very life from each moment I had the opportunity of living in. 
And although breathing, I'm so dead. 
Waiting for one of the few to come over and offer me some piece of life.
Cause I am so fucking dead. 

 I need to get high. 

And I want so badly to be that sober well connected spirit but when has that ever made me feel the way chemical substances do? 
When I'm intoxicated you don't matter. 
I'm too busy going through the motions.... or vomiting. 
Whether the vomit spills from my fingers or from my throat, something is coming out of me... 

 ...and this time it's genuine.... I swear. 

 Whether or not I get the company.... eventually they will leave. 
I'll be here again. 
again... 
again and again. 
Right back here again. 

It's quite sad actually. 

 -Sydni Michael Davis.