The words just aren't coming together. I want to spit some lyrical heartfelt shit but I suppose my heart's just not in it. Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maaaaaybe.... this "discovery" isn't shocking to me because I figured it all along. I just never expected you to express it. Kinda like how... on the way to see you that day... I imagined a girl answering the door... What happened? A girl.... answered the door.... YOUR girl. Surprise!!! .... or not. I never felt like I was anything special to you until you were spitting that cow shit game in my presence. Maybe I wanted to believe you because you were beautiful and intense... not too much like the rest. Although your nomadic ways were a bit of a turn off... I made excuses for you. Must've been crazy.... cause all along.. for the 3 years i've known you although our connections were sporatic... I felt something was wrong... I just needed the proof.... confirmation. And that day... you gave me both. So should I thank you? I'm mad at myself for continously falling into your traps. I was your rat... you were my cheese... hungry for your taste. "Just another card in the deck...." ...I wonder which one. Believe it or not... you were one too. But i can't front... you were one of the higher cards. One of the cards you save til the end to take the whole game... you were in my winning hand.... or damn near close to it.... you were one of those. *shrugs* I feel like you would've loved me for real had you known me.... not the "I love your pussy" type of love, but the... "I just want to be in your presence, stare at you all day, feel your breath on my neck.." kind of love. Too late now. You got the pussy first. So... I feel that this really is no one's fault but my own. Mistakes I made when I was 19.... at 21 played quite a role. Searching for the confirmation.... I found it. After realizing such.... I told you... "they say ignorance is bliss... and days like these.. i wish i was stupid. " I take that back..... in that case I'd have to be stupid forever. I'm glad you're gone. :)
-SydniMichael
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