Keep the Art Alive

So I've recently created a strict regimen for me to follow on off days. Monday had me feeling rather unproductive and I refuse to feel such a way ever again. I think it's time to get back into all of the things I've allowed to slip away from me and to make sure I keep my talents fresh and my brain working. For example I'm making it a point to play my piano for at least an hour a day, as well as write a poem/story/song once a day as well, no exceptions. Along with that, I must research thoroughly a new topic of interest every day. (by everyday I do mean..every....off day lol) I think it's safe to say we fall off simply because we have the room to do so. When you're working a lot you tend to show your passions a little less attention in efforts to survive and still have some sort of a social life. Not cool. I'm working mainly to help fund my artistic endeavors, aside from of course wanting to move back out of my mother's house and to pay for the oh so lovely jeep that will be parked outside of my place quite soon. Really though, I'm aiming to be "better" all around. I've been doing a lot of brain exercises to help my memory, speed, mind flexibility, etc. Also, the whole vegetarian lifestyle, I'm trying to eat a lot healthier work out as often as possible etc. I think with age I've really become interested/slightly obsessed with Health. Possibly because at one point I could have been considered a hypochondriac. Not fun. I really was careless with my mind and body going through my late teen and early adult years. Yes I'm still a young adult but I'm glad I've caught on now. I would hate to go out on some deathbed sick shit... that's just not me. I don't ever want the hospital to be a frequent visiting spot for me so I think it's important I really buckle down and take care of myself. Also, I've realized I'd prefer for my man to be on the same tip as well. We've both got to be enthusiastic about the spiritual and physical aspects of our lives. I need him... maybe her, to want to live a healthy lifestyle and to be spiritually immersed as my lover, or partner, or husband ...ah..whatever, you get my drift.

So, I feel terrible. Last night I made the decision to sort of cut off the relationship between a guy I've been seeing and myself. "Cut off" isn't the best phrase but to put it simply...eh. I just don't see a future with him and I felt like I was wasting his time carrying on this relationship that may not be going anywhere. Of course because this isn't the first time this has happened to him I really feel like a bad person...like I'm just another bitch that doesn't appreciate a good guy. Tis not the case though and I hope he understands that. I love and appreciate his friendship but we're not the people we were when we first met and to be honest the spark isn't really there for me anymore. I have this image...these standards, for the ideal guy for me and although he's a GREAT guy I'm not sure he's the great guy for Sydni. I care for him though... a lot and I'd love for us to continue and work on a friendship but he claims it isn't possible...hmph. I suppose I understand...and even if I don't I have to deal with it. To be honest, I think with one of the previous guys I'd dated, I experienced this "connection" or what I thought was a connection that nothing has really been measured up to yet. Well, that's not completely true.... there was a lover who I connected with like nothing in this world and at least I know that was real. And then again there was...let me stop. But yea...anyway... it sucks that I'm comparing, but ever since those two/three relationships, if it doesn't feel like that or at least CLOSE to it.... I can't really move forward. Knowing that something that intense exists out there, I have no choice but to find it and have it for myself. And I don't think I can find it if I'm occupied trying to make it work with people I know in my heart aren't the ones for me.

So... here I sit, alone and perfectly content. There's someone else I have to deal with as well but, that's for later :/

It's been a brilliant day :)

-Ziggy