Que sera sera

There's a way around and out of everything. It takes some figuring, some strength, some discipline. Ah, but primarily, it takes understanding. Understanding that what you're inside of does not exist. What he has created with me and what I have created on my own terms doesn't exist. The second I realize that whole-heartedly, the healing begins. I've spent so much time questioning whether it was real rather than accepting the fact that people can't help who they love and when love is a factor, it usually shows. So if I'm sitting in the audience and the stage is empty, it's fair to say the show is over or possibly never existed to begin with. And while I've been visiting other shows, I tend to always head back to this one theater... and it's always empty lol. What lesson am I waiting to learn? Lecturing my ex on how he knows the answers but he never picks the right one indeed is baffling to me, but ironically, I'm doing the same thing. I know what it is. I know that this guy never cared and that it's deeper than a Sunday, Monday issue. (whatever that means) It's fair to say he has a problem....with women. I was just another woman filling the void. Understandable.... I can't even blame him. We've all got voids to fill and how we deal is our own issue at hand because in the end, it's still our (in this case...his) problem. To be aware of the defect and to still allow it to live so fervently, has been MY issue. That....ends now. It used to feel decent at least. Someone used to show up to the theater and at least turn the lights on but lately the lights are off and the sound of my breathing and footsteps are the only vindication for applause. No one's clapping. I'm not sure what it is about this person that had me so wrapped up but it's an experience I'm glad to have had. Part of me thinks the baby is what has me so emotionally tied... part of me thinks a connection can't be fabricated....part of me is over it all...no matter what the case may be. Discovering your worth brings people in and pushes a lot of people out. So...it's time to let that go. And with that being said, I've got work tomorrow.... goodnight.

-The last of SyMi.