Hesitant to respond cause when I read your half it sounds like something worthy of publishing.. and MINE is just.... random thoughts being thrown out of hidden pockets in my brain. On top of that I feel like i'm constantly repeating myself. I feel like you HEAR me.... but... you're not.... you know... LISTENING. I must admit.... the other day when I asked you what kissing me is like or... what you think of.... i was lowball disappointed in your answer... which is why I didn't really want to share my thoughts on it. Like you said... the ONE thing I believe from you is our KISS..... and it turns out you're not even feeling what i'm feeling. It's possible that I could be making a bigger deal out of this than I should but....our kiss is the extra pull that keeps me from completely fleeting.....besides the way you make me feel when i'm wrapped within you or... the constant laughter I exude when i'm talking to you. I can go on but I think you know what you do to me. I think you know that I want everything that you want with you and I. I think you know that i'd let go of anyone else to make you mine whole heartedly. I THINK you know that. If you don't.... you SHOULD...... cause only an IDIOT can't see that I feel for you deeper than I knew I could... deeper than I give off... deeper than I desire.... to be real. I can't stand the fact that whether i'm thinking about photography, family, traveling, mangos, close friends, partying, bacardi (lol), whatever..... YOU are still there.... circling these thoughts in the background.... occasionally in the foreground. Mmmm..... foreground thoughts of you are.... sickening... i know my friends are like "i wish she'd shut the fuck up about this nigga." well... maybe they're not but that was my attempt to show you that when you're a foreground thought... you end up being everyone's foreground thought cause I won't stop speaking of you.
But shit!.... I say all thaaat to say THIS! Although I feel like you're the BOOM to my BIFF.... if you don't prove my emotions RIGHT then... i'll never know and will eventually be forced to find another BOOM. I believe there's more than one soulmate out there for everyone. Not to raise fear or... confusion but... there's a friend of mine I could see me spending the rest of my life with.... real shit.... i've never kissed him so... I could be wrong but.... you get what i'm getting at.
You MAY not be the one for me..... and how long are you going to make me wait to find out?? It's like...either you don't understand the way i'm hurting... or you just don't care. I'm praying to GOD you just don't understand. If only we could switch places for a day.... psh.. for an hour.... you'd get a slight taste of the pain, confusion, love... that runs throughout me. THat slight taste might be enough cause my pain is just that strong. Like i've said before... i've NEVER wanted anyone or shall I say anything SO BAD. BUT.... i refuse to play the fool. I really do. If we're meant to be like you believe we are..... this break in communication should be nothing cause the FAITH you have in US would override your fear of what could happen during this period of time. I'm not going anywhere.... you're all up in me.... seriously lol. I'm sure I could go on but I gota go pick up B baby lol. I understand times are tough right now but really look from my point of view. switch the situation around and tell me how you'd feel in my place. DO we need to play the "HI my name is...." game again?? lol... I think so.
yea..... i really just let out some personal thoughts with this one... uhm..... oh well.....
-SydniMichael
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