Fuck the SCWs!!!

It's always been said that the "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" are never good to ponder on or waste your precious thinking space with...(for lack of a better phrase lol) and I can without hesitation say that I totally agree. It's not about what you could have done, it's about what you CAN do now... it's not about what you should have done.. it's about what you SHOULD do next..and so on. But of course, we're human and we can't help to wonder where we might have been if we "shoulda, coulda, woulda." The past few days I haven't had much to say so I havent written much... obviously. My mom walked in my room numerous times within the last 30 minutes and noticed that each time she came in... i was sitting in the same position... no phone in my hand, no book, music veerry low, candle burning, no tv(of course) "What are you doooing in here?" she said. She had an expression on her face that read "what the fuck is wrong with my weird ass child?" Lmao... my mom is jokes. Well... I was thinking. You can't do much thinking while your on the phone, or reading, or watching tv now can you? That's when I rolled across my "shoulda coulda wouldas" lol if you say it fast it's kinda funny hehe. Anyway, I began to feel all emotional and pitiful because for a minute I felt like I'd failed everyone.. my family, friends, teachers, coaches, more than them... ME! Not to sound cocky or boast about myself but your girl has potential and talent up the ASS!!! lol I mean... i'm a pretty smart girl...i'm a lowball musician for the simple fact i've been playing piano since I was 8... Im a drama queen meaning put me on stage and your girls acting skills are on point but shit.. lets start off at Junior high 8th grade president of my school straight A student... went on to boarding school, and NOT because I was bad but because it was an EXCELLENT school... I excelled freshman year but 10th and on, my grades plummeted for the fact that I was unhappy where I was... anyway that's a different story. So boarding school...volleyball player... bomb.. and yes I dont give a fuck if I'm cocky about it... i had skills! 1st team all league.. EVERY YEAR, and played club vball as well. I was the shit. period. lol I also played basketball....and yes I was good at that too.... not the best but I have my metals thank you :-) Well.... I COULD HAVE/SHOULD HAVE sucked up the bad times at that school and did my fucking homework and continued to grow in volleyball and I WOULD HAVE been at USC on the undefeated Women's Volleyball team doing my gotdamn thang!!!! DAMMIT! lmao..... but nooooo I had to bitch and complain and then rebel to the point where I got kicked out of boarding school and was forced to go to wack ass Westchester. The volleyball team was shit there... sorry, but it was :-/ I tried out... made it... and decided not to play cause I felt I was too good. (Shame on me... i was young and idiodic then... sorry Comets lol) So I went and played for Culver City Volleyball Club :-) I quit after a couple of months because I became a lazy little fucker. oooh fuck me.. im getting angry just thinking of how stupid I was. Soo... senior year was spent at Westchester and I ditched class like I was out on maternity leave or something lmao. Once again not to brag but im a smart girl.... I COULD HAVE/SHOULD HAVE gotten straighten A's and I WOULD HAVE gone off to an excellent college, once again. But noooooo I had to be lazy and a fucking bad ass. Argh at my highschool days. Arrrgghh!!!! People tell me I can still get it together, get back in shape, and go play volleyball for some school but I'm not really so sure if school is for me at this point. I believe everything happens for a reason so that's where I try and cancel out the "shoulda coulda wouldas" lol. Just a tiny piece of advice for anyone who's reading.... LET GO OF THE EXCUSES. That was one of my biggest problems...and I still to this day catch myself making excuses here and there. We learn from our mistakes. I'm slightly struggling now just to state what's going down at the moment, BUT..... knowing me, I always piece the puzzle together. I'm working.... I've begun to start grasping the many opportunities offered to me..... catch me in a few years, I guarantee you i'll be on top. So.... as an optimist... I say... Fuck the "shoulda coulda wouldas" What's next?

-a complete goofball... lmao.


peaceofmind
-SydniMichael