I used to write blogs about how happy I was and how life was steadily progressing. I look back at my most recent blogs and happiness seeps through corny jokes or friendly moments but not really through me. I want to get back to writing about how no one or nothing could touch me... how life was beautiful and my smile seemed to be permanent. I want to be back in that place more than anything in the world. This is the moment I realize that my happiness rests patiently in my very own hands.
Ello' hands ;)
I'm tired of being selfish, occasionally lazy, unmotivated, easily persuaded, hmm... i could go on but I won't blast myself right now. I have a strong mind, i'm opinionated, i have goals, i'm extremely talented. The question is... what is it that's keeping me from sitting on top of the world? Why do I always deprecate myself especially in comparison with others? Dude... why do I waste this mind of mine? A lot of people get upset when I reject their compliments. Some people think it's my way of attempting modesty or humbleness, others think it's my way to fish for more praise, people who actually somewhat "know" me, are aware that I really don't believe the things people tell me. :-\ ("Know" in quotations cause no one "knows" me.. lol) Don't get me wrong... I believe in myself... partially, if that makes sense. There are times where i'm like..."I've got it." Whatever "it" is. You know.... "It." I'm sure "IT" can be explained, but I won't attempt because if you don't know what "IT" is.... you ain't got "IT."
I'm tired of being selfish, occasionally lazy, unmotivated, easily persuaded, hmm... i could go on but I won't blast myself right now. I have a strong mind, i'm opinionated, i have goals, i'm extremely talented. The question is... what is it that's keeping me from sitting on top of the world? Why do I always deprecate myself especially in comparison with others? Dude... why do I waste this mind of mine? A lot of people get upset when I reject their compliments. Some people think it's my way of attempting modesty or humbleness, others think it's my way to fish for more praise, people who actually somewhat "know" me, are aware that I really don't believe the things people tell me. :-\ ("Know" in quotations cause no one "knows" me.. lol) Don't get me wrong... I believe in myself... partially, if that makes sense. There are times where i'm like..."I've got it." Whatever "it" is. You know.... "It." I'm sure "IT" can be explained, but I won't attempt because if you don't know what "IT" is.... you ain't got "IT."
hmmm... anyway... I've created excuses to last me a lifetime but... I can't do it anymore. The only thing that has kept me from skyview is..... me... me and this stupid brain full of insecurities that don't really need to be there! I can't even have a healthy relationship because I won't allow myself to. Psh... i've been silly for way too long. Silly silly me. My spirit is beautiful, i'm gorgeous...let's not forget fucking AMAZING yo! hmph!
I feel better. :-D
peaceofmind.... i'll see you soon :)
-SydniMichael
Some oldies
Some goodies
It doesn't always have to be ALL about me... yea.. im in EVERY picture....and?
:) lol.
2 comments:
lol....i like this one
for one ur doing something that alot of ppl wont do and thats blamin urself for ur probems...lie u said uve made excuses that could last you a lifetime and its gotten u no where...
i can say weve all done that and we will continue to do so while we are alive, but JUT DO YOU...thats all u can do and like u said "you dont believe things ppl tell you" thats a great trait to have...who gives a shit what ppl tell you cause they dont live your life..they dont do what u do and if they do i bet they cant do it better than u do...8)
just keep ya head up and ull shine my dear...and there is def nottin wrong wit being silly casue im silly everyday of my life...gotta keep things interesting or else life would be borin and dull...im sure u dont want that either
i can ell u spirit is beautiful because of ur words that u write, you def are a gorgeous, intelligent young lady...and im sure your AMAZING person too
you are sittin on top of the world, its just our decsion to take advantage of it by steppin put and makin it ours only...fuck everyone else...make be like u and try to be on top too....
YOU ARE A TRENDSETTER!!!!
oh yea...babygirl i LOVE THE TATS
shows a side of adventure and daring
i really like that, very unique and different
till next time....stay tru to urself and ull rise above others
DaVinciDaGreat
I honestly dont are if any1 is going to read this wow. but yea i can totally feel you on this whole entry. i remember 1 night you came to Yusefs and you said "you could see right through me" and i knew what you meant...but chose ot to say anything. but my point is i am extremely insecure and it really affects me from proceeding in relationships, letting the people who want to be with me and who want to love me to love me. all because i am insecure about the way i look... the irritating issues with my skin breakouts the whole shebang. but im wondering if its something deeper that that. if this is not really the issue, if the issue is a little deeper than what i think. i dont know. but im really feelin you Sydni these are really interesting thoughts. if u even read this thanks. love u and stay wise.
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