Release

When you are able to express yourself and they are able to express themselves through your expression... it's a feeling of unity. Like hello, you are not alone but ... you do understand you're alone? I sometimes hate to really let out because I'm not sure if I'm saying too much. People live to please people i just want to live to please you... the girl in the mirror who is just as lost as the next person but for some reason can't let go. I'm a lover and indeed I am a fighter. Upset because a girl looked at me funny but fuck! ... she looked at me funny and oh no i won't have that. I'm a lover and a fighter... a lover cause he seems to be the only thing that graces my mind at late night hours when no one is speaking and you have all the room in the world to take your thoughts as far as they could possibly go but they stop at him. A slingshot took the thoughts and threw them back at me cause i dont want to stop at you! i want to keep going... and going... and eventually find the man that'll love me more than I love him, embracing my goods but loving my bads because without the bads, the good doesn't exist. I can't only be half of me. Give me the love... i deserve. I... deserve. My heart is real.... my thoughts are real.... i'm as human as the man in the insane asylum in the next city over. So let my insanity run free because we are all a little insane. No?
.... yea... we are. it feels good though... cause even tho she and I may be so much alike.... she ain't quite like me. You've witnessed my exterior, not my interior and in my interior lives a whole other realm of..... this, that, and... u know, the other. The beautiful thing about being alone is you are then able to release that... and at the time no one's watching. Don't you get tired of the whole fucking world just watching?? They are the audience. Watching, judging, picking their favorite characters and holding on to their entire being. Death then presents itself and all is lost for you where then... we must now switch our entirity and grab on to the next. Noo... no no. I'm tired of grabbing on.... your skin is so slippery. But mine... mine is soft and full of fresh pumping blood. Blood full of emotion... waiting to be released. This feels good. this writing with no rules. I enjoy it. I'm sure there are people who read this and wonder why I don't just write all these personal feelings, stories, fantasties, etc. in my own personal journal...i don't know... why don't I? Well... try to imagine the feeling of letting out pieces of your mind and finding out that there are people who can really connect with you. It feels good to realize that people "...feel you 100% !" lol. I'm a people person you know? I have a surprisingly large amount of friends via internet around the country and shit even out of the country who I just talk to sporatically, some even often that i have of course never seen. With the simple purpose of friendship. Just to learn about eachother and share thoughts.... even in knowing we'll never physically lay eyes on eachother. I think that's beautiful.
It's like for some odd reason I can't stop writing. My playlist seems to be extremely on point right now. each song is a surprise... a good one at that. maybe im going on like this because im faded. :-)
Yea i just came from the beach with my folk :-) good peoples... i love em. Blazed two nice ones on a hot evening in October, sand in the feet... wind feeling like it blew just for you... perfect. the blunt just hits so riiight. don't you love those sessions? one moment your fully aware of every little gesture, feeling, facial expression, being that surrounds you... you hit the blunt and you can one by one feel each movement becoming lesser and lesser... til they're no longer noticeable... shit to you they don't even exist... no one really exists but you and it's the best existence you've had in ... well for me 19 almost 20 years. Each time the existence surpasses the previous. and you wonder why i smoke? well because when I do... you don't exist. simple. your over there in your own little fucked up head, he's over analyzing his each and every thought, they're discussing their judgments and I.. am... simply alone. because you're not there.

i mean... you don't have to understand...I can do it for you.

(looking up forms of liberation to me.... here are some photos i find to be... liberating. lol)

L I B E R A T I O N

-SydniMichael