...so i lost you.

"....I can't keep myself and still keep you too. " ....yea, that's including you. Even the little one with eyes sky blue. Pouty lips and pigeon toed boots. She asked me to buy her an ice cream cone, I told her this last dollar was going towards my new iphone. Ooh well shit, that wasn't very nice... I know I know, but "I can't keep myself and still keep you too." ....especially you. I told her to let him go but what the fuck am I still doing here with you? Fuck you for being so damn cute. Fuck you for being able to make me laugh til my stomach aches. Fuck you for fucking me so right. Fuck you for holding a small piece of my heart and placing it in your back pocket as if it was some worthless napkin you figured you might possibly use later in the day. Fuck you. It's just that simple. Fuck you cause I deserve better than what you're giving me. Fuck you. And gaaahh I don't mean to be mean but you know what I mean. YOU KNOW!! You aren't the fucking victim! I AM! It's me!! The one over here with rosy wet cheeks. Wet from the result of salt filled tears. And behind these eyes of mine lies a tiny investigator who sees your bullshit but for some reason refrains from letting me know! it's like i knooooow but i dont knooww so i sit here and watch you go go go.....



-I wrote that about a month ago. It's been saved as a draft, never posted for it was incomplete. It's impossible to complete now because he finished the story for me. I watched him go go go... and now he's gone. Farewell to what was my pain and my joy. -sigh- I watched Sex and the City The Movie today for the first time and cried throughout majority of the movie. I don't want love to be all I think about! Why is that ALL I THINK ABOUT?!?!?! okay it's not all I think about but it's ALL I THINK ABOUT! Might I add that's an excellent movie ;-)
My head is so jumbled with thoughts of what could be, of what was, of what should have been and I keep trying to convince myself that you mean nothing to me. Failed attempts are frustrating. Do I mean nothing to you? Don't answer that... i'd rather rack my brain wondering...
I just want to get over you. If i could have anything in the world right now... it would be to get over you. I hear your name and the memories flood. Not fair. It's not fair.

-SydniMichael