What mind?

Lost - Gorilla Zoe

8:41pm Brandon
In any case.. how do u feel these days. Do you feel as alive and beautiful as you.. ( and all humans) are?

All I could do was answer truthfully.... any thing other would be a total lie and a waste of conversation.

8:41pm Sydni
nope
not even a little


Not even a little. He asked me why and I had no answer for his question. I have no idea what's going on. "I'm completely lost in my life right now."
Am I insane because I feel like I'm the next to go? I'm speaking of Death. Dying. No longer existing. I must sound crazy.

SydniMichael (8:29:05 PM): i dunno.... i might just be losing my mind
FGD3km (8:36:43 PM): You are


I don't believe in suspicions but... "ask mommy.... they say if a bird flies into the window, a woman in the family is soon to die." my sister said. HA!....nice way to secure the thoughts I was already having. No need to go into details on WHY Death has been crossing my mind...that doesn't even matter.... or does it? In my room... at times I feel trapped... like... I just want to be anywhere but there. FOur walls who seem to hold all of me inside of them. My every fear, worry, concern, everything negative... at least that's the way I feel at night when it's time to lay me down to sleep. Lately... my options are either Zicam or ... crying my eyes heavy until they can't hold up anymore. Unfortunately... I'm staying away from Zicam cause I have no intentions on being a female Lil wayne...relying on a styrofoam cup...or for me a cup of tea mixed with the nastiest flu/cough syrup you could imagine. So it's crying....if God is allowing me to place my negative thoughts in the back of my head...then i can find some good friend who's willing to stay up late hours to converse with me about anything other than what's bad in my life. Ewww..... I hate this negative shit. How many times in a lifetime do you reach rock bottom? This is possibly number two for me. Or maybe i'm just being overdramatic and emotional cause my period is soon to come. Notice how every sucky blog starts or ends with "im emotional cause of my period...blah blah blah" Hopefully that's it. Hopefully my period passes and i'm smiling again. Eww...... i'm like... so sick of ME right now. Reading over this just now made me irritated with myself hahaha! like... BITCH GET A FUCKING GRIP! ya ya yaaaaaaaaaa....... why did I quit mary jane again????? awww come on.... stay strong fool...

yea...but i want some..... bad :(

lmfao.

-SydniMichael